I’m ready to talk about my recently most guarded secret.  Are you ready?

Online dating!  

I can’t help it. When all of your friends are married, happily or not, or on their way to getting married you start to get a little extra lonely.  The commercials on television about finding your true love online are just so convincing!  And of course romantic.  It’s like a jam packed 2 minute commercial about winking at someone and then falling madly in love and getting married.

I feel like relying on an online service to find true love is essentially, failure? What happened to running into someone?  Or a friend of the friend?  I think the only reason I have the balls to do it at this point is because I literally know no one around here and don’t go anywhere, so the chances of running into Mr. Right is zero.  This is embarrassing to admit to myself, so why would I tell anyone else?  

It really opens the door to being so creepy.  You get to read about their hobbies, their profession, if they’ve been divorced, how many children they have, what color eyes, how tall, what body shape, etc.  It makes me wish that everyone that I ever saw and thought was mildly attractive came with this list, so everyone can know before hand what they are getting into. 

So are you ready for a success story? You’re not going to get one.  Did I mention that I got suckered into paying for a month of this service so I could have emailing privileges?  

I have gotten some winks! Nothing like a good wink to make a connection!  I have an idea, follow up if yo’re creepin’ on me.  I have also received some emails!  I think one was special,  I didn’t even know what to do.  I thought I was making another “connection” with this other dude and then he asked if we were just going to have a quickie or a marathon session?  Some other dude messaged me and asked if I was competitive and then presented a situation about fighting over the remote and asked what I would do to win.  

My favorite was from an attractive bunny rescuer!  We were “connecting” and then he asked me about my love for the Red Sox.  And then. He told me that professional sports are to keep a revolution at bay and I’m just watching a bunch of idiots that get overpaid for playing a children’s sport.  He called me interesting and then said it would never work and blocked me! Because of baseball.  Alright, ya hippy! I’m allergic to bunnies anyway so I obviously have no interest in saving them.

I just can’t believe the standards on some of these clowns.  Are ya kidding me?   I stick with my belief that women are much more generous when it comes to finding men attractive.  All dudes, even the hideously deformed ones with 18 kids, are still looking for Barbie.  

Needless to say, my paid membership will be over soon so I won’t get the pleasure of communicating with strangers in order to make a romantic connection.  I’m sure I’ll still creep around though, but in case you’re curious, they all say some version of this…

“Looking for a loyal, honest, beautiful, in shape, slender woman. I know how to treat a lady.” Accompanied by a picture with their bros and/or beer.

Match.com isn’t meant to make connections for fat girls. I don’t think I’ll be part of the statistic that met their lover online. I tried and failed. That doesn’t  mean I’ll settle though. :)